A Story of Me

Vividly Saturated 

I don’t sleep. I often lay in my bed, staring at my ceiling day dreaming. On a good night I’ll sleep for 5 hours straight. Often I’ll wake up around 4 in the morning, and stay awake for about an hour. 

I have created a game for myself when this happens. I try to remember the details of what I had just dreamt. I have to do this right after I wake up, or else the little details become a distance memory. 

I read somewhere that, when remembering a dream, you’re really remembering the last time you remembered it. Mind blowing. 

But I try to remember my dreams, and I usually tell my two friends (let’s call them Rachel and Rebecca) because they find entertainment in these wild stories my brain sub consciencly comes up with. 

Wednesday morning I woke up around 5am, and was greater with the memory of a dream. I call them vividly saturated, because I can remember bits and pieces very well, while the story as a whole is usually broken. 

So on Wednesday, I followed my usual dream routine and texted this to Rebecca and Rachel:
“I had a really cool and scary dream last night. So me and my boy friend in my dream (sadly didn’t recognize him) went camping in this forest. But this really bad thunderstorm came out of no where while we were sleeping, and a tree next to our tent caught on fire. After we smelt the smoke we started running. And we got lost. Like extremely lost. We had no food, no water, we were scared, and we had no weapons to defend off animals. But we had no choice but to keep walking. The longer we were there, the better we got at catching food, making knives etc- but the only reason I could wake up in the morning was the hope that we would leave or find someone. And one day, we head a car horn. It was faint at first, we both thought our minds were playing tricks on us. But it happened a second time, and that’s when I started running towards it, and he followed. We were so malnourished and dehydrated that it hurt to run, but I didn’t want to miss our chance. We found the car tracks, which then lead us to this camping retreat, with electricity and running water,and right as we step onto camp I collapse from exhaustion. I woke up in the nurse tent, and they start talking about integrating us into their camp, they said the outside world would come for them in a week. We stay at the camp, shower, eat- and I’m so happy, but I could tell something was off about him. But I don’t let it bother we. 5 days in, I’m with a group of people walking to a store, when I collapse again. I wake up in the doctors, to find that I have an overwhelming amount of mercury in my system. They then found out the man who I was with had been slowly poisoning me- and that we had been in the woods longer than I thought- 13 years. But they didn’t have mirrors in the camp, and in the forest, I would collapse and stay unconscious for days at a time, when he told me it was minutes. After the doctor heard the news, we found a note from the man I was with saying that he left the camp, he didn’t feel like he belonged and he asked me to go back to the woods with him. I woke up feeling conflicted, like I was actually thinking about going back with him!”

I woke up feeling silly that I even considering being with someone who treated me like that. I did a lot of reflecting with it. And I realized how much significance this dream held for me. 

At the time, I was on a break with my boy friend. We had gotten into a fight about me being “unemotional”. Ya. Okay. 

But I realized just the way he had treated me during the 6 months we were dating was not okay. I’m not going to go into it, read my past post for examples.

This dream was an eye opening experience. It showed me that I was the woman who was trapped in the woods. 

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